


Barry Allen's goodbye

by Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not for WestAllen fans, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23364478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/pseuds/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen
Summary: After the defeat of the Anti-Monitor, Barry leaves Central City without a word to anyone, leaving confusion and worry in his absence. Two weeks later, he sends the people closest to him each a letter, explaining his actions. Not for WestAllen fans.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen & Cisco Ramon, Barry Allen & Joe West, Barry Allen & Ralph Dibny, Barry Allen/Patty Spivot
Comments: 59
Kudos: 46





	1. I left

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that wouldn’t leave me alone after watching some Grey’s Anatomy. Not for WestAllen fans. Don’t like, don’t read.
> 
> Italics will be flashbacks, bold italics will be letters.

Star Labs

Afternoon

“Anything?” Iris asked as she, Cisco, Caitlin, Ralph and Joe stood in the cortex.

“Nothing, it’s like he just vanished off the face of the planet,” Cisco said in frustration.

“And none of my leads have panned out,” Ralph added regretfully.

“Kara and Clark haven’t found anything either,” Caitlin said as the five of them looked at each other, worry and confusion on all their faces.

After the multiverse had been rebooted and their memories restored, it hadn’t taken them long to realize Barry hadn’t woken up in Central City with the rest of them. The first news they’d heard of him had been when he joined Kara for the fight in National City. And after the defeat of the Anti-Monitor and the unveiling of the Hall of Justice, Barry had seemed to vanish. The only news they’d had of him had been when he showed up for Oliver’s funeral to give the eulogy at Felicity’s request. After that, he seemed to vanish again.

Worst, the CCPD seemed to believe Barry hadn’t worked there for three years and that he and Iris had never been married. Combing through the news articles over the last few years, they had discovered the last time the Flash had appeared in central City, outside a team up with Oliver and Kara, had been around that time. They’d spent the last two weeks trying to locate Barry in this new earth, but all their leads had been dead ends.

“What the hell did Queen do to Barry?” Joe asked angrily.

“Look, whatever Oliver did that made it so that Barry hasn’t been here the last three years, he wouldn’t have done it to hurt Barry. The two of them were like brothers,” Caitlin quickly came to Oliver’s defense. “Whatever Barry is going through, he’ll be back.”

Judging by the look on their faces, they had the same doubt that Caitlin currently felt in their hearts.

Ralph’s PI office

Later in the afternoon

Ralph walked into his office with a sigh, hoping that the days would get better. Picking up the mail that had been shoved through the slot, he began going through it when he stopped, staring at one of envelopes which had the name ’Barry Allen’ written in the corner.

West House

Same time

“How are my girls today?” Joe asked as he walked in to see Cecile playing with Jenna.

“We’re fine,” Cecile said with a fake smile that immediately had Joe on edge.

“What happened?” Joe asked wearily. “And don’t say ‘nothing’, I’m a detective.”

“We got mail today. Some bills, some advertisements…and that,” Cecile said as she glanced at the table near the couch.

Wearily, Joe walked over and saw an envelope sitting on the table that it was addressed to him. And written in the corner was his adoptive son’s name.

Cisco’s apartment

Same time

“Bills, bills, junk, bills,” Cisco muttered as he went through his mail as well. “Letter from Barry, junk, bills-wait.”

Going back, Cisco saw that he had a letter. And it had Barry’s name written in the corner.

Caitlin’s apartment

Same time

Caitlin stared down at the letter from Barry, knowing this was t. If he was coming back, he wouldn’t have sent a letter. And once she opened this letter, she knew that it was really over. That this would be goodbye.

West House

“I can read it with you I you want,” Cecile said gently as Joe sat down.

“I’d like to do it alone,” Joe said softly and Cecile nodded in understanding.

“If you need us, we’re just upstairs,” Cecile said, kissing Joe on the cheek before picking Jenna up and walking up the stairs.

Joe waited a few seconds, staring at the letter before he opened it. Pulling out the folded piece of paper, he opened it up and began reading.

**_‘Captain West,_ **

****

**_I regret to inform you that I will not be returning to my post as head CSI,’_** the letter stated in Barry’s handwriting.

Cisco’s apartment

**_‘Cisco,_ **

****

**_This is not how I wanted to leave things,’_** Cisco read with a sinking feeling. **_‘You deserve more than this.’_**

Caitlin’s apartment

**_‘Cait,_ **

****

**_The last thing I wanted to do was bail on you after all the times you’ve stood by me,’_** Caitlin read, her eyes welling with tears. **_‘But I left Cait. Central City, Team Flash, Star Labs. And I don’t think I’ll ever come back.’_**


	2. Caitlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get into the chapter, there’s something you’ll need to know so things make a bit more sense. For the purposes of the story, when J’onn restores the memories of someone from Earth-Prime, he wipes out their Earth-Prime memories.

Caitlin’s apartment

Afternoon

Caitlin takes a moment a moment to compose herself, not wanting to breakdown over a letter, the last letter she may ever get from her best friend. After she was sure she wouldn’t burst into tears, she picked the letter back up and began to read.

**_‘This isn’t how I wanted to do this Cait, but I guess I’m just too much of a coward to come back and face you, face all of you, and tell you that I’m leaving, for good,’_** she read. **_‘Mostly though, I can’t come back because I’m afraid you’ll talk me out of it and succeed .But I didn’t want to be one of those people who walks out on his friends without a word. I owe you the truth Cait.’_**

Caitlin frowned as she read this, confused. It was clear Barry hadn’t shown up to tell her to her face that he was leaving because he didn’t want her to talk him out of it. But what was so important that he didn’t want to be talked out of leaving? Her curious nature rearing its head, Caitlin continued reading the letter.

**_‘Whenever I’ve been an idiot or too caught up in myself to see the bigger picture, it was always you who set me straight, usually by yelling at me to the point where I was scared of you.’_ **

Caitlin had to stop, laughing at this. Because it was true, she had yelled at him a lot whenever he couldn’t see the situation for what it was. And it had always amused her to see how freaked out by it Barry was. Wiping the tears out of her eyes, she continued reading.

**_‘And I know if I showed up at Star Labs and told you everything, you’d yell and logic me into staying. But I can’t Cait, not anymore. I can’t lie to you and say I’ll come home, because Central City, it’s not home anymore,”_** Caitlin felt a lump form in her throat as she read this but she swallowed it, continuing to read. **_‘And it’s not because of Iris, Team Flash or even Oliver. It’s because of me. By now, you’ve probably figured out that Iris and I were never married on this new Earth. There’s a reason for that Cait.’_**

Caitlin frowned as she read this. For two weeks, they’d wondered why Barry and Iris weren’t married on this new earth, which Cisco had taken to calling ‘Earth-Prime’. It had confounded them all, seeing how devoted Barry was to Iris, to a point she, Cisco and Ralph had honestly worried about him. It look like she was about to find out why they weren’t married, she thought as she continued reading.

**_‘When Oliver recreated the multiverse, all of us woke up exactly where we were supposed to. That includes me, I just didn’t expect where I woke up.’_ **

****

_Two weeks ago, the day the multiverse was reborn_

_Barry opened his eyes, unsure of where he was. He sat up, realizing he was dressed only in boxers as he looked around. He was in a bed he didn’t recognize in a room he didn’t recognize. He saw a picture on the wall of him, his mom and dad. Was this his and Iris’ house in this new multiverse, he wondered._

_Throwing the covers off, he headed into what he hoped was the closest, relieved when it was. There were two sets of clothes, a man and a woman’s. But the woman’s clothes didn’t seem like things Iris would wear. Confused, Barry put on jeans and a shirt before exiting the room._

_Seeing a flight of stairs leading down and hearing the clatters of pots and pans, Barry realized he wasn’t alone in the house. He sped down the stairs and ended up in the kitchen. There was a woman, making breakfast, but it certainly was not Iris. But still, even from the back, he knew her._

_“Hey, breakfast is almost,” Patty Spivot said as she smiled at him and he could only stare at her in shock._

Now

Caitlin stared at the letter in disbelief. Patty Spivot? But, in an odd way, it almost made sense. If there was anything that would make him leave Iris, it would be Patty Spivot. Barry’s ‘one that got away’, as Cisco used to call her. But still, there had to be more to it than that, she thought as she kept reading.

**_‘Now’s probably the part where Killer Frost wants to freeze my leg off for walking out on you guys for a girl.’_ **

‘He’s not wrong,” Killer Frost muttered in Caitlin’s head but Caitlin ignored her, continuing to read.

**_‘But it’s more complicated than that. If it was just a choice between Patty and Iris, I would have walked away and come back to you guys,’_** and Caitlin knew he would have, she knew there was something else going on here. **_‘I explained what was going on to Patty, about Crisis and the multiverse and she took it…very well. She was understanding about the whole thing. And then…then I heard this sound in the other room. Two little giggles followed by a crash.’_**

****

_Two weeks ago_

_Barry looked up at the sound as Patty took off towards the sound. Hearing her yelling, Barry’s curiosity got the best of him. He followed her and stared at the scene in stunned shock. What looked like a tornado was in the room, creating havoc. Then, Patty had two little blurs, two kids, in her arms._

Now

**_‘Patty’s a mom Cait. And it turns out, they’re my kids,’_** Caitlin read in stunned shock.

Kids. Barry had kids, with Patty Spivot; Caitlin’s mind was struggling to process this. Suddenly...suddenly Barry had a family that wasn’t The Wests or her, Cisco and Ralph. Now he had Patty and their kids. She knew what this meant to Barry, to have kids he could raise and she was happy for him, but God, it was a lot to process.

**_‘Apparently, when Patty left town four years ago, she was pregnant. And she had twins, two little three year old tornados,’_** Caitlin laughed at that, knowing Barry was not exaggerating. **_‘She knew I was busy with Zoom, so she waited until it was over, until they were here, then she called me. I’ve done the math Cait, she would have called me around the time I would have gone back in time and created Flashpoint.’_**

****

_West House, three and a half years ago_

_Night_

_Barry was about to run back in time, save his mom, when his phone rang. Barry sighed, debating on ignoring it before he pulled it. He was surprised to see it was Patty and answered._

_“Patty?” he answered hesitantly._

_“Hey Barry,” Patty said and he was concerned by how weak Patty sounded._

_“Is everything okay?” Barry asked and Patty was quiet for a long moment._

_“I know I should have told you this before, back when I found out but…When I left, I was pregnant,” Patty said and it took Barry a moment to comprehend what she was saying._

_“W-what?” Barry stammered._

_“I was pregnant. And…I just delivered a few hours ago. Twins, a boy and a girl. We have twins Barry,” Patty said, stunning Barry._

Now

**_‘Patty’s phone call must have stopped me from going back in time,’_** Caitlin read. **_‘After the Anti-Monitor, I came back here to get to know them, get to know my kids. Don Henry and Dawn Nora Allen. Dawn has Patty’s long blond hair and blue eyes. And Don is practically my clone.’_**

****

And Caitlin could picture them both in her head, two little three year olds who super sped around the house, causing untold grief for their parents. Caitlin let out a sound that was mix between a sob and a laugh as she imagined it.

**_‘I know I should have told you and Joe and Iris, but I didn’t. I should probably be angry with Oliver that I can’t remember the first three years with them, but all I can be is grateful that he gave me them In the first place. I love them, more than I ever thought I could love something. And so how can I look at this, this gift that Oliver gave me, and walk away from it? How can I ever come back when all I want is to be here? That’s not fair to anyone.’_ **

****

And here it came, Caitlin thought as she fought back tears. The goodbye.

**_‘Cait, you are my best friend, the best person I know. Everything you’ve lost, everything you’ve been through, you still stood by my side when I needed you. I never deserved a friend like you. You said once you couldn’t move on, and I know that it’s because of me. Well, I’m gone now Cait. I’m setting you free, you’re fired from Team Flash,’_** Caitlin laughed at that, knowing he was only joking. **_‘Seriously though, you deserve whatever you want out of life. You deserve to be happy Cait. I’m not saying goodbye though, because I want to see you again one day. Not because you’ve come to yell at me and logic me into coming back though. I hope when we see each other again, it’s because you’ve come to meet my family. That my kids get to call you Aunt Caitlin, because I’ll tell them about you and Cisco all the time. Until that day comes, go be happy. I love you Cait._**

****

**_Barry’_ **

****

Caitlin stared at the letter for a few moments, tears rolling down her cheek before she folded up the letter, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“I love you to,” Caitlin whispered to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the writers failed to capitalize on Crisis to its full extent. They know how disliked Iris and WestAllen are, they could've wiped it out but instead, they continue to push it down everyone’s throats. Because Barry will never leave iris for himself, even though he’s a selfish dick at this point, he’s too good to walk out his wife for selfish reasons. 
> 
> But, since apparently couples can reunite off screen now, my head canon is that Barry will leave Iris for Patty off screen. Change my mind.


	3. Cisco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as proud of this chapter as I am the previous one, I struggled with certain parts. I do hope you guys enjoy it though.

Cisco’s apartment

Afternoon

With a sinking feeling in his heart, Cisco continued reading the letter. After all they had been through, he owed Barry this. He owed him at least this.

**_‘You deserve more than a letter Cisco, after everything you’ve done for me. Heck, I would never have become the Flash without you. Whether you’ve realized it or not over the years, there is no Flash without Cisco Ramon. I guess that’s why this is so hard, we’ve come a long way since bickering over whose suit it is.’_ **

Cisco couldn’t help but laugh a little as he remembered all the times the two of them had playfully argued over whether it was Barry’s suit or Cisco’s. Barry was right; they had come a long way since then. And that was why this was so hard, because, no matter what Barry said in this letter, this was the end. The end of Team Flash as it was. Because no matter what was in this letter, things would never be the same.

**_‘I would never have gotten this far without you standing by my side. I’d be dead a hundred times over if it weren’t for you. I haven’t always appreciated that, appreciated you, and I’m sorry for that. Which is why I owe you nothing but the truth. I left Cisco. And I’m with Patty.’_ **

Cisco stared at the paper, making sure he hadn’t misread the words. Patty, Patty Spivot? That had been the last thing he was expecting when he opened this letter. Yet, in a way, Cisco was not surprised. It was like ‘what else could make him walk out on us’. But Cisco had a feeling he was missing something, some crucial piece of the puzzle that would make everything else make sense. Having a feeling the letter would provide it, Cisco kept reading.

**_‘When Oliver recreated the multiverse, he brought me and Patty back together. That’s where I woke up, in Midway City with her. And seeing her again, talking with her, I realized I was still in love with her. I don’t think I ever stopped loving her. But if it was just that, I would have been able to walk away and come back to you guys. But Oliver didn’t just give me her back. He made it so she had my kids.’_ **

Cisco stared at the letter, stunned making sure he was reading this right. Kids? Barry had kids with Patty? Cisco felt like a computer flashing the words ‘does not compute’ in big, red letters. But, as surprised as he was, he was also happy for Barry, knowing how much Barry had wanted kids, especially after Iris Jr., as he called Nora. Yeah, she was manipulated, but she still chose to work with Thawne of all people, knowing what he did to Barry and the rest of them. That wasn’t something Cisco was going to forget just because she was dead.

**_I’m sure that part just about broke your brain, but it’s true,’_** Cisco let out a laugh as he read this, Barry certainly knew him well. **_‘She had twins, Don and Dawn. They have my powers Cisco. They’re three and they are amazing. They keep me on my toes all day, they run around at high speed just like I do, and they want to be, believe it or not, scientists. I actually caught Dawn trying to mix baking soda and juice like chemicals the other day. And when they wake us up by jumping in our bed and call me ‘Dad’, there’s nothing like it buddy.’_**

****

Cisco laughed, imagining it. Two little kids, a girl practically a miniature Patty and a boy that was a little Barry, running around with super speed, keeping Barry and Patty on their toes. Even without physically seeing them, he already loved those two little tornados, wanting to spoil them rotten.

But imagining them also made him want to cry. Because he knew what this meant. He hated being right.

**_‘That’s why I can’t come back Cisco. I have to give these kids the life I never had, the white picket fence and two parent house. I hope you understand Cisco.’_ **

And Cisco did, even though he would miss Barry like crazy. After losing Dante, he could never begrudge Barry wanting to put his family first. But it was the end, the end of an era. No more Star Trek marathons, no more meeting for family meals every week, no more fighting side by side to protect Central City. As happy as he was for Barry, it was like he was losing his best friend.

**_‘You always said you weren’t a hero like me and you’re right. You are better than me. Oliver said I was the best of us, but really, that better describes you and Cait. I know having your powers back freaks you out, but you don’t need to be scared. Cisco, you were always meant to be more than just the tech support and you know it. Your powers, they’re part of you now; you can either run from them or accept. I hope that you’re able to make peace with that.’_ **

****

Cisco glances down at his hands, trying not to imagine the gloves around them. As much as he’d tried to fight it, he knew that Barry was right. Vibe was part of him, whether he wanted it to be or not. It was time to stop running from that, Cisco thought with a sigh, continuing to read the letter.

**_‘In a few days, you’ll get some paperwork. I talked with a lawyer, I’m leaving you Star Labs,’_** Cisco stared at that, sure he was misreading the words but nope, it was real. **_‘Whatever you do with it, I know it will be amazing. Don’t feel sad Cisco. This is an end, but it’s also a beginning. Not just for me, but for all of us. I don’t want to say goodbye, so I won’t. I hope one day, we can see each other again. And if you’re ever in Midway City, look me up. I’d love it if you could meet my kids, I hope they get to call you Uncle Cisco, because you’ll love them and they’ll love you.’_**

And Cisco had no doubt that day would happen. It wouldn’t be for a long time, months, maybe years from now, when he would be able to think of Barry and not feel sad, just happy for his friend. But one day, he would pack his bags and head to Midway City. He would meet those two little tornados that he already loved so much and tell Barry no matter what happened, whether they lived in Central City or not, they would always be best friends.

**_‘Until then, be the best you can be, whether that’s as Central City’s greatest hero or as the smartest man in town. From this point on, the only person who gets to choose how we live our lives is us. May we meet again._ **

****

**_Barry’_ **

Cisco stared at the paper for a few moments, trying to process everything Barry had written. Then, he folded the paper up and put it down on the table.

“May we meet again,” Cisco said gruffly, a tear falling from one eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really not a fan of Cisco losing his powers. If they’d been writing him out, sure, that’s fine, but he stayed n and got his powers back for Crisis, so what was the point? It just took one of my favorite characters in the Arrowverse and turned him into a big baby.


	4. Joe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we’ve come to Joe. I’ve had my issues with Joe’s character over the years, mostly his hypocritical stance on Oliver Queen, but I do love him as Barry’s dad, so this chapter was hard to write. I hope I did okay.

West House

Afternoon

Joe stared at the opening of the letter for several moments, letting it sink in. To some, it might come off as cold, but Joe knew better. It was Barry’s way of saying he wouldn’t come back, that he wasn’t coming back. Fighting back the tears, he continued reading.

**_‘This is by far the most selfish, cowardly thing I have ever done. I can justify to myself not coming back to face Caitlin, Cisco, Ralph, even Iris. But not you. This is just me being a coward. But, as selfish as this sounds, this isn’t about you, about any of you. This is about me._ **

****

**_I owe you so much more than this Joe. When I lost everything, you took me in, gave me a home. And I know I didn’t make it easy for you, those first few weeks I must have shouted ‘I hate you’ a dozen times. Still, you never gave up on me, not once. No matter how hard I tried to push you away, to lash out at you, you were still there for me every time I needed you. I wanted to thank you for that.’_ **

The tears were flowing now as Joe read these words. They were beautiful and warmed Joe’s heart. But, at the same time, reading these words was a blow to Joe, knowing that this wasn’t one of their regular chats. This was a goodbye. Joe had dealt with a lot of goodbyes and loss: His parents, Francine (twice), Chyre, Eddie, Wally, Harry and Jesse multiple times. But he had never expected to have to say goodbye to Barry. And now that it was here, Joe wasn’t sure he was ready for this. How to simply…be without Barry Allen in his life. But it was very clear he would need to learn how.

**_‘In a lot of ways, I am who I am today because of you. I will never forget you or what you’ve done for me. You see Joe, you saved me. You saved me from turning into Zoom or Savitar and I will always be grateful for that. But things have changed. The day Oliver recreated the multiverse; I woke up somewhere completely unexpected. I woke up with Patty Joe.’_ **

Joe wiped the tears out of his eyes, making sure he wasn’t misreading this letter. But it was true. Joe knew Barry had always held out a torch for his old partner but it was a still shock. They hadn’t heard a peep for the blond in almost four years, since she’d left town after the Turtle. So to hear that Barry woke up to her threw him for a loop.

**_‘You didn’t misread that Joe, I’m with Patty. Part of me always wondered about her, about the life she had after she left. Was she happy? Was she married? Did she have kids? I thought about those questions all the time, thought about calling her but I always chickened out. In all the time I spent wondering, I never imagined myself as part of that picture. But now, suddenly I am. Joe, she had my kids, a boy and a girl.’_ **

Joe froze, staring at those ten words, struggling to process this. Barry had two kids with Patty Spivot. Suddenly, Barry had a whole family outside of him and Iris. And Joe could picture it so clearly as well, like he was actually there. Two little kids, a girl with Patty’s blond hair and a boy with Barry’s dark eyes, running all around the house at super speed as their dad tried to catch them and their mom shouted at them to behave. It made Joe smile just thinking about it, about the life Barry would now have. But still, it didn’t lessen the pain he felt, knowing he would not have a part in this life, in his son’s happiness.

**_‘I love Iris Joe; I think part of me always will. And if it was just a choice between her and Patty, a choice between two people I love, I would have come back to you guys, you know I would. But with how I grew up, I have to give my kids the life I never had, with two parents and family picnics and the whole white picket fence deal. I hope you of all people understand why I have to stay. I can’t miss another second of my kid’s lives.’_ **

And Joe did understand. As much as he knew that Iris would hurt for this, he also thought of Wally. How he had missed all the first with his youngest son. Missed holding him in his arms when he was born, first steps, first day of school, teaching Wally how to ride a bike and drive and shave. He would give anything to have those years with his son. So how could he begrudge Barry for doing the same? As much as it hurt, Joe couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride in his oldest son.

**_‘I wish there was a way for this to work out for everyone, that getting everything I always wanted didn’t have to hurt you and Iris and everyone else. But I don’t know how to look at myself in the mirror every day if I walk away from this, walk away from my family,’_** it hurt Joe more than he expected to hear Barry refer to Patty and the kids that way, already feeling the newly defined relationships, the dynamics of their make shift family changing. **_‘If there was a way all of us could get what we want, I would find it and do it. I may have the powers of a god, but I’m just a man. I can only do what I think is right. And this is what feels right to me. Whenever I doubt if it’s the right thing, I think of you. How you have sacrificed so much for me and Iris and Wally and you never hesitated, not once. I hope that I can be half as good a dad to Don and Dawn as you were to me. I don’t want to say goodbye, but there’s a good chance you’ll never speak to me again after reading this letter. So, goodbye Dad._**

****

**_Barry’_ **

Joe stared at the letter, tears rushing down his face as he put a hand to his mouth.

“Goodbye son,” Joe said gruffly, putting down the letter and staring at a picture on the wall, a picture of him, Barry and Iris from years ago, wishing he could go back to that moment and hold onto it forever.


	5. Ralph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is done in loving memory of Logan Williams. The world is now a little darker.

Ralph’s PI office

Afternoon

Ralph sat on the couch, staring at the envelope with Barry’s name on it. He had been sitting there staring at it for several minutes now. He knew he should open it but the part of him that was still that scared kid whose dad had left him told him not to. That once he did, it would be real. That another person he cared about had left him. But he wasn’t that boy anymore. He was a man, a hero. So, with shaky hands, Ralph opened the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper inside. Unfolding it, he began to read.

**_‘Dear Ralph,_ **

****

**_This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. We’ve come a long way since you joined Team Flash, haven’t we?’_ **

Ralph felt the urge to laugh, because that was an understatement. He and Barry had certainly come a long way. After being fired from the CCPD and spending all those years hating Barry Allen, blaming him for his own choices, Ralph never would have expected that he would join Barry’s team. That the two of them would become friends, family even. And that he would be reading this letter, feeling the pain of another person he cared about abandoning him.

**_‘When Joe and I walked into your office that day, I never expected where it would lead. That you would join my team, that you would become the person I trusted to protect my city when I couldn’t. That I would come to appreciate your friendship, your advice. That having you in my life would make me better. That it would make me a better hero. A better leader. A better friend. And I wanted to say thank you for that.’_ **

Ralph put a hand to his face, trying not to let the tears flow. It was everything he’d always wanted to hear from Barry, it should have brought a smile to his face. But it didn’t, because these words, this letter was a goodbye. A goodbye to a friend, a leader, someone who had changed his life for the better. Ralph was never good at goodbye, and he wasn’t sure how to say goodbye now. He didn’t want to. But it looked like he would have to.

**_‘And I’m sorry that I’m leaving you guys like this. I know all the reasons I should come back, I’ve told myself every single one a hundred times. But I can’t do it Ralph. In this new world, I’m not just the Flash. I’m also a father to two incredible kids with Patty Spivot.’_ **

****

Ralph stared at the letters, the words sinking in. Barry was a father now, he had two kids. And while he had only ever heard of Patty in passing from the others, he knew that Barry had cared very much for her. Honestly, he wished he could have met her. But this, this was beyond anything he had ever expected. It was a lot to take in, that was for sure.

**_‘I love her Ralph; I don’t think I ever stopped. But it’s not about her or Iris, it’s about the kids. About my kids. I know you of all people will understand why I have to do this, why I can’t just come back.’_ **

And Ralph did understand, as much as he didn’t want to. After how he had grown up, he never wanted any kid of his to feel like they weren’t wanted, that they had to tell jokes to cover up how scared and angry they felt. And he knew Barry was thinking the same thing.

**_‘I can’t let my kids grow up the way you and I did. I can’t Ralph. I missed three years of their lives. And it wasn’t because I was in prison like my dad or because I walked out on them the way yours did. It was because they literally didn’t exist to me until I walked into the room and saw them. Even if I did come back, I wouldn’t stay for long. My heart, my home, it’s not in Central City anymore. It’s here in Midway, with my kids.’_ **

Ralph felt the corners of his eyes start to sting with unshed tears as he read this. He understood why Barry was doing this, why he couldn’t come back. But that didn’t make it any easier.

**_‘I wish that getting the things I’ve always wanted didn’t have to hurt the people I care about, but I can’t stop it. Ralph, you’ve come so far since getting your powers and I know you’ll continue to rise and soar to greater heights. The world hasn’t seen the last of Ralph Dibny; it’s only seen the beginning. That guy who made one bad choice back then that cost him his job, I understand now why he did it. It wasn’t because he was a bad person; it was because he cared too much.’_ **

Ralph stared at the letters, tears flowing freely now. A weight was lifted from his shoulders as he felt forgiven, forgiven and redeemed for the bad choice he had made. It was a freeing feeling.

****

**_‘And I know I’m only able to walk away from Central City because I know it’s in good hands. When Nora came back, I thought she would be my legacy, then when I found out Crisis would happen sooner; I thought vanishing would be my legacy. But I realize now that my legacy will be Team Flash, you and Caitlin and Cisco will be my legacy. Long after both of us are gone, the people of Central City will remember the heroes who stood up to protect it. And I know you will do me proud Ralph.’_ **

Ralph straightened as the weight of it fell onto his shoulders. Barry was leaving and trusting him to take care of his city. He’d always joked around so much because he knew Barry was there and would take care of it. Now, all he had was Barry’s example to live up to. He hoped it would be enough.

**_‘You got a package from an unnamed sender,’_** Ralph looked over at his table, seeing the package he’d gotten that he had placed aside to read. **_‘Open it.’_**

****

Wearily, Ralph stretched his hand out and pulled the package to him. Opened it, he pulled out a phone. Confused, Ralph continued to read, hoping the letter would explain things.

**_‘The phone has a number programed in; you can reach me on it if you need to. I may be leaving, but I’m not abandoning you guys. If you’re ever in trouble, if you ever need me, I’ll be there. In a Flash._ **

****

**_Barry’_ **

****

Ralph stared at the letter, trying to absorb everything. Then, he balled it up, moving to throw it in the trash. But, at the last second, he changed his mind, unballing it, smoothing it out and putting on his desk. Ralph then sat in his chair, staring at the letters as he finally allowed the tears to flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that’s it for the letters. I was planning on doing on for Iris, but I don’t trust myself to do a good job on that one, so I won’t be doing that. Iris did get one and she did read it off-screen, you’ll find out a bit of what it said next chapter. One more to go everyone.


	6. Moving on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the final chapter. Not sure if I did a good job with this or not, but I hope you guys enjoy it and thank you to all of you for your support.

_Star City, Queen Mansion, one week earlier_

_Afternoon_

_Barry stood facing everyone Oliver Queen had loved, feeling awkward and completely unprepared. But it had been decided that he should give the eulogy, so he was going to do his best. Barry let out a cough, clearing his throat as he tried to gather his thoughts._

_“Oliver Queen was one of my best friends,” Barry started, feeling like doing this was even harder than facing Thawne and Zoom at the same time. “But it didn’t start out that way. He didn’t trust me and I thought he was kind of a jerk at first. But eventually, he became my friend. Someone I could go to for advice, for help. He trusted me, and everyone here knows that Oliver didn’t trust easily.”_

_There were a bunch of soft chuckles that broke out across the crowd of mourners at Barry’s weak attempt at humor. It cut through the atmosphere of grief for a moment._

_“I tried my best to repay his trust. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I failed. But even when I failed, he never held it against me. Honestly, his advice his friendship, his courage…it’s probably the only reason why I’m still alive, why all of us are still alive,” Barry paused as everyone felt the solemn atmosphere return. “Everyone always said how different we were but the truth is, I never found someone I related to better. He knew what it was like to face impossible odds, to experience loss, to feel like the weight of the world was on your shoulders and have everyone depend on you for answers. Oliver, he changed my life, changed me, for the better. As I know he did for all of you. And even though he’s gone now, the gifts he gave us are still here. It’s up to us to make the best it, to make sure we don’t waste those gifts. We gotta move on…we have to move on.”_

West House

Now

Joe was still staring at the picture of him, Barry and Iris when Cecile tentatively entered the room.

“Joe, you’ve been sitting here for over an hour,” Cecile said, feeling Joe’s whirlwind of emotions via her powers. “What happened?”

“Barry…he’s not coming back,” Joe said in a voice think with emotion and Cecile was silent, absorbing this. “He left us…he’s now a father of two, with Patty Spivot.”

“What?” Cecile asked shocked and Joe chuckled humorlessly.

“That’s what Queen did; he gave Barry two children with Patty Spivot. I take back…most of what I’ve said about Queen over the years,” Joe said with a sigh. “I wish Iris didn’t have to be hurt this way but…”

“You’re happy for Barry,” Cecile said, feeling it and Joe nodded.

“I know how much Barry has always wanted kids, especially after Nora. I didn’t expect it to happen this way or for it to be with someone other than Iris, but I can’t find it in me to be angry about it either. I-I understand why he doesn’t want to leave. I’d give anything to have those years with Wally,” Joe said with a sigh. “I just…I just wished I’d known the last time I’d see him would be…the last time I’d see him.”

“It won’t be,” Cecile said confidently as she sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It may not be for months or years from now, but I have no doubt you’ll see him again.”

Joe sighed, hoping she was right. In the meantime, all he could do was try and be happy for Barry.

West-Allen loft

Same time

Iris stared down at the letter, tears streaming down her face as the words shot through her. Hearing the door open, she looked up and was surprised to see who it was.

“Hey,” Wally said as he walked over.

“Hey,” Iris said, wiping her tears away. “What are you doing here?

“I got a letter to,” Wally admitted. “It’s hard to wrap my head around, the fact that you two were married.”

Iris’ heart sunk as she looked away. She’d forgotten that Wally hadn’t had his memories restored, that he remembered things differently than the rest of them.

“I also wanted to see how you were doing,” Wally said as he sat down next to her.

“My husband left me, how do you think?” Iris asked grumpily.

“What exactly did he say to you in his letter?” Wally asked cautiously, trying not to upset her more than she already was.

“A bunch of crap about how it wasn’t about Patty, it was about his kids. But either way, he still chose her,” Iris said, the pain and anger clear on her face and Wally was silent for a moment.

“Would you have been happy?” Wally asked and she looked at him confused.

“What?”

“If Barry had come back to you, would you have been happy? Can you honestly say you would have been happy knowing that not only did Barry have kids with Patty, but that he was still in love with her? And that they would now be part of your lives no matter what? Would you have been happy, living that life?” Wally asked and Iris paused.

“No,” Iris finally said, looking like she had swallowed a lemon as she spoke. “I wouldn’t have been happy.”

“I’m not gonna defend Barry, but maybe he was trying to hurt you now to avoid hurting you in the future. Yeah, it sucks, it’s a shitty situation, and I’m not completely happy with how Barry chose to handle it. But it is what is. I’m sorry that you’re hurting, but this isn’t the end of your life, even if it feels that way right now. One day, years from now, you’ll look back on this…and it won’t hurt so much,” Wally said and Iris was silent for a long time.

“When did you get so wise?” Iris asked and Wally shrugged.

“I guess I’ve done a lot of growing up since I saw you lost last,” Wally said simply.

Iris starts to laugh, she wasn’t sure why, but somehow, that laughs turns into crying and then sobbing. Wally wrapped his arm around her and she spent the rest of the night sobbing into his shoulder.

Bar

Same time

Ralph sat at the bar, drowning an entire glass before setting it back down.

“Refill,” Ralph said, already buzzed.

“You seem like you’re trying to forget something tonight Ralph,” the bartender said as he refilled Ralph’s glass and Ralph laughed.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Ralph said, taking a drink before continuing. “I got a letter from a friend of mine today. A good friend, although it didn’t start out that way. We hated each other for a long time. But life has a way of throwing people together and, over time, we became friends. We became family. But he sent me a letter, a letter, of all things, to tell me that he’s leaving town for who he says is the one he loves and their kids.”

“Wow, that’s…wow,” the bartender said, at a loss for words and Ralph laughed.

“Yeah, that was my reaction,” Ralph said before taking another drink. “I wanted to find him, tell him he was being a selfish jerk and not caring about anyone else. But…I remember what it was like growing up without a father. In his shoes, I can’t say I’d do any differently. I guess I just….I wanted the chance to say goodbye.”

For a few moments, it was silent as Ralph took another big gulp of his drink before someone walked up behind him.

“I’ll have one of whatever he’s having,” Ralph whipped his head around at the sound of the voice. “Dibny.”

“Captain Singh,” Ralph said shocked as Singh sat in the seat next to him.

“It’s chief now, but you ca call me David. I take it you got a letter from Barry to,” Singh asked and Ralph nodded after a moment.

“He sent you one?” Ralph asked and Singh nodded.

“Yeah. The things he said about the multiverse and everything, hard to wrap my head around,” Singh said with a dry chuckle. “Although technically, he sent me two letters.”

“Two?” Ralph repeated confused and Singh nodded.

“One was to explain everything and a sort of goodbye. The other was a very passionate and persuasive letter of recommendation as to why you should be allowed to resume your job as a detective,” Singh said and Ralph started.

“What?” he sked shocked.

“Exactly what I said. Your old job, it’s yours if you want it,” Singh said and Ralph stared shocked.

“This-this isn’t some kind of sick joke?” Ralph asked and Singh smiled, amused.

“No. So what do you saw, you up to taking up the shield again?” Singh asked.

“Y-yes, it would be an honor sir,” Ralph stammered.

“Good. You start Monday, seven A.M. sharp,” Singh said, placing something on the bar before getting up and walking away.

Ralph looked down to see it was his old detective badge.

“Thanks Barry,” Ralph said as he picked it up.

Cisco’s apartment

Same time

“You got one to?” Cisco asked as he opened his front door to reveal Caitlin standing on the other side.

“Yeah,” Caitlin said as she walked in, seeing an open bottle of beer. “Day drinking?”

“Well, my best friend left town today, so,” Cisco shrugged. “You want one?”

“Cisco,” Caitlin said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He looked at her as she gave him her best ‘I know you’re hurting but don’t do this to yourself’ eyes. Cisco sighed, flopping down on his couch.

“I’m happy for him, I am,” Cisco said as Caitlin sat down next to him. “But I miss him. And I…I wanted to say goodbye as a friend. As a teammate. As-”

“Family?” Caitlin supplied and he nodded. “Cisco, Barry didn’t do this to cut us out of his life. I’m sure he told you just like he told me in my letter than whenever we’re ready, he’d love to see us again.”

“But it won’t be the same,” Cisco mumbled and Caitlin nodded.

“It won’t be the same,” Caitlin acknowledged. “It won’t be how we imagined it. No weekly family dinners, our kids won’t play together and come over all the time. Our kids won’t all go to school together. It will different than how the three of us imagined our lives going. But the three of us will always be part of each other’s lives. Just because Barry’s living in another city, another state, doesn’t mean that will change.”

“I guess. I just…” Cisco trailed off but Caitlin knew what he meant.

“I know,” Caitlin placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled, unshed tears shining in her eyes. “I’ll miss him to.”

“I just hope he’s happy,” Cisco said, a sad look in his eyes.

Midway City

Night

“And they lived happily ever after,” Barry finished reading the storybook the kids had waned him to read.

Barry looked up; seeing the kids had fallen asleep at some point during the story. Smiling softly, Barry closed the book and put it back on the shelf. Dropping a kiss on both his son and daughter’s heads, Barry then walked out before quietly closing the door to their room. Barry then made his way down the stairs and into the living room, where Patty was watching TV.

“Kids asleep?” Patty asked as he sat down on the couch next to her.

“Out like a light. They fell asleep during the story,” Barry said and Patty smiled.

“A story always puts them to sleep,” Patty said and Barry nodded, frowning.

“I wish I would remember that,” Barry muttered.

“Hey,” Patty turned to him, placing a hand on his cheek. “You may not remember the last three years with them, but you will remember every day after with them. Don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Barry nodded, although it was clear it still bothered him. Reaching over, Barry removed her hand from his cheek and stared down at the wedding ring on her finger.

“I wish I could remember this to,” Barry said before looking back up at her. “Were we happy? Before all this.”

“Yes, we were very happy,” Patty assured him, knowing how much it bothered him that he couldn’t remember it. “It doesn’t matter that you can’t remember it. The past, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the present. You, me and our kids, that’s what matters to me.”

“Let the past stay in the past,” Barry muttered and she shot him a confused look. “It’s something Ollie told me once.”

“He sounds like a wise man. I’m sorry I never got out know him,” Patty said and Barry smiled slightly.

“I think that he would’ve liked you,” Barry said.

Before Barry could say anything else, their program was interrupted for a news report about a shootout down town.

“The job of a superhero never ends. Go,” Patty told Barry and he laughed.

“I love you,” Barry told her as he looked over.

“I love you to,” Patty told him with a smile. “But it never hurts to hear.”

Smiling, Barry kissed her before standing up. Holding out his hand, his ring deployed his suit and he put it out before running out of the house to head to the shootout.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably very confusing, but you’ll get a better understanding over the next few chapters. Each chapter will be broken down into a letter, then an epilogue. Bad, good, tell me in the comments.


End file.
